Radiation

I began to experience slight discomfort in my throat at the end of last week but knew it was something I could manage. As I went into the weekend the discomfort began to increase when I tried to swallow and by Sunday afternoon I had reached my limit. The liquid Vicodin I was taking didn't touch the pain so Monday morning I called the doctors office. In the back of my mind I knew what the suggestion would be but I tried to convince myself that there may be other possibilities. Painful swallowing? Yes. Blood in sputum? Yes. Choking on spit? Yes. These answers guided me to postponing this weeks treatments and I had a meltdown. I want to be done with all of this. Cross the finish line and never look back. I was given a prescription for Percocet and sent home to crush the pills and do my best to manage the pain. This was not in my plans, it postpones my finish line. After crying harder than I've cried since this journey began, I felt better. The irrational thoughts I was thinking began to fade and I knew I'd be okay. Just another little bump in the road that I can and will handle. The medication has taken the edge off and I'm anticipating being able to go back in for radiation treatments next week. In the meantime, I am focusing on accepting the fact that I don't write all of the rules and control all of the plans. On Sunday in church the pastor said something that has stuck with me, "The difference between hope and despair is faith.". I continue to have faith that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Graeagle is...

...spending time with the newest member of the family...

...having my aunt play the "C" card on my behalf...

...using the Star Walk app at 5000'...

...golf for all ages...

...learning to ride a bike...

...wagon rides...

...passing out in the hammock...

...Sudoku and crossword puzzles...

...perfecting your ladder golf toss...

...being surrounded by mountains...

...celebrating birthdays and the sweet, sweet music of Taylor Swift...

...enjoying sunrises from the mountain top...

...having my Grandpa wear my wig...

...seeing a bear!...

...nature walks with my aunt...

...sister time at the river...

...an afternoon treat at Frostee...

...the gift of a lifetime...

My Grandma

I know that most of you are waiting to hear about my trip to Graeagle and how the start of radiation has gone but the thing that is on my mind right now is my Grandma. My cannonball Grandma, Grandma Joan. Two years ago today she passed away and boy do I miss her. My Grandma and I had alot of things in common, that's not something every granddaughter can say. The sun, Graeagle, "luck", laughing and cannonballs to name a few. She loved to photograph barns, cows and landscape. She learned to paint in her later years - flowers, scenery and us grandkids. She taught me to drive a stick (although she wasn't a very good teacher because I was the only grandkid to FAIL Grandpa's test). I miss her Bugs Bunny face and her laugh that turned into a squeal and then a warning that she may wet her pants! I love how competitive she was..."Whack-A-Mole", golf, Sudoku, hula-hooping...nothing stood between her and a win! I love how she addressed my cards Jen(nifer). I love how I have a voicemail of her saying, "Don't forget the buttwiper.". I love how when I would mention I had lost or misplaced something she would say a prayer over the phone to St. Anthony and anxiously wait for me to report I had found it. I'm sure having to hear of my cancer diagnosis would have crushed her but in the same moment she would have provided comfort. Comfort only a Grandma can. I love you Grandma.

The thing that amazes me is that all of these pictures were taken just a week before she died. So inspiring...