Radiation

I began to experience slight discomfort in my throat at the end of last week but knew it was something I could manage. As I went into the weekend the discomfort began to increase when I tried to swallow and by Sunday afternoon I had reached my limit. The liquid Vicodin I was taking didn't touch the pain so Monday morning I called the doctors office. In the back of my mind I knew what the suggestion would be but I tried to convince myself that there may be other possibilities. Painful swallowing? Yes. Blood in sputum? Yes. Choking on spit? Yes. These answers guided me to postponing this weeks treatments and I had a meltdown. I want to be done with all of this. Cross the finish line and never look back. I was given a prescription for Percocet and sent home to crush the pills and do my best to manage the pain. This was not in my plans, it postpones my finish line. After crying harder than I've cried since this journey began, I felt better. The irrational thoughts I was thinking began to fade and I knew I'd be okay. Just another little bump in the road that I can and will handle. The medication has taken the edge off and I'm anticipating being able to go back in for radiation treatments next week. In the meantime, I am focusing on accepting the fact that I don't write all of the rules and control all of the plans. On Sunday in church the pastor said something that has stuck with me, "The difference between hope and despair is faith.". I continue to have faith that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.